This post is one that I wish I wasn’t making for so many reasons but I’d appreciate you reading it anyway.
Next week my wife, Verity, was hoping to do something called the ‘moonwalk’ where hundreds of people undertake an overnight walk through London, dressed in pink bras, to raise money for breast cancer charities. The walk is 13 miles which for some will be easy but for others will be a real challenge.
My families story so far...
In August 2010, at the age of 37 and a year after the birth of our daughter, my wife Verity was diagnosed with aggressive stage 4 breast cancer that had already metastasised into her bones. Apart from the original primary site she had active tumours in her spine, hips, ribs and the base of neck. Radical surgery and chemotherapy was quickly carried out and although this meant many deeply unpleasant hours in hospitals she had a good response and things remained stable for almost a year.
Unfortunately although cancer has a very simple biology it also has the ability to work its way around treatments and after a year scans showed that things had got worse. More mets in her bones and an oncologist who had obviously decided that his job was to provide palliative care and not be proactively aggressive with the disease. So we decided it was time to take our own action.
In the winter of 2011-2012 Verity went to a clinic in Germany for treatment that is unavailable in the UK – whole body hyperthermia combined with low level chemotherapy - and she showed an overall good response to this.
Back in the UK we changed oncologist and moved treatment to the Royal Marsden in London. The care there is world class and her treatment has been amazing.
Early spring this year showed that Veritys tumour markers had started to rise very slowly so new scans were carried out that showed renewed low level activity in her bones but more worrying (if that is possible) was the discovery of 7 tumours on her brain with the largest being 30-mm across. This was a devastating blow at the time and meant we had to draw on all our mental strength to try to forge a new way ahead.
Cancer does this. Just when you think you’re getting on top of things it rears its head again and you have to start all over. It’s relentless and the only thing you can do is to be as equally relentless in your resolve to combat it.
Verity had whole brain radiotherapy 10 weeks ago combined with a new regime of drugs to get the bones back under control. New scans will be carried out in two weeks time. As you can imagine, waiting for the results of scans is one of the toughest things to deal with. If the news is good it creates euphoria, if it’s bad it’s a crippling blow to moral. But you have to get back up, dust yourself down and get on with it.
One of the things that impressed me about my wife from early on was her resolve to integrate the conventional treatment with non-medical therapies. And one of the hardest things to get your head around is diet. For cancer patients, a well thought out diet can boost the immune system and general well-being, which in turn will help in fighting the disease.
For Verity this was easy – she’s a great cook and been interested in food her whole life. But for many this is a really tough area to get your head round. So Verity started an uplifting blog with recipes that combined all the ‘cancer fighting’ foods that she’s researched (you can find it at http://www.verityslifestyle.com ) to help other people in the same boat who maybe weren’t quite so clued up.
I found it deeply humbling that in a time of really deep crisis her thoughts were to help other people, not to wallow in self pity.
Back to the moonwalk....
Verity used to be an interior designer and a group of 15 of her old colleagues and friends have clubbed together to do the moonwalk with Verity. They have bullied and cajoled ex clients and everybody else to chuck in a bit of money and their support and friendship has been deeply moving for my family. So far they’ve raised a staggering £4, 686 for the various charities who benefit from the walk.
One of the recipients of fundraising is the Penny Brohn Cancer Centre in Bristol where Verity went almost straight after she was diagnosed. It’s a calm and supportive place that runs a variety of course both residential and day, to help those diagnosed with the disease to come to terms with it and to teach them about the things they can do to help themselves while the doctors get on with the clinical stuff. It’s an amazing place and women with breast cancer can attend any courses free of charge.
Sadly it looks like Verity won’t be doing the moonwalk. The effects of the radiotherapy have prevented her doing any training and at the moment she is getting the occasional dizzy spell combined with horrible fatigue. It isn’t much fun for her right now. We are flying her back out to Germany on 16th May for more treatment and to be honest she can’t jeopardise the treatment out there for this walk. We had a very difficult conversation about this an hour ago tonight and she’s gutted.
What you could do....
Verity’s journey is extraordinary but sadly commonplace. Somebody you know will at some point be diagnosed with breast cancer. It’s stark but that’s the fact. It might even be you. And when it happens, along with clinical support, the moonwalks’ recipient charities will be there to help pick up the pieces and give life enhancing support and advice. And they will be doing it without any government funding.
So what I’m hoping is that some of you may be prepared to support this. Not £50 a head because times are what they are, but a couple of quid, a fiver maybe even a tenner. Anything to help get that total over the £5000 mark.
You can visit the giving page here...
http://www.walkthewalkfundraising.org/team_v_on_juice
Verity has thrown her soul into raising this money for Walk the Walk. Not being able to participate is a cruel blow for her but I’m praying she will be uplifted by knowing she has raised a genuinely useful sum of money for some amazing charities.
In closing, our lives changed forever on 14th August 2010 and I make no excuses when I say the cancer journey is really hard. I have searched my soul looking for answers as to why us and why life should be so unfair, and to be honest there are no answers and there are no reasons.
Life sometimes just is what it is and it’s up to us to make the best of the time we are given.
I really do appreciate you taking the time to reading this through.
http://www.walkthewalkfundraising.org/team_v_on_juice
Dave
Views: 177
Replies
Having gone through something similar with one of ours can relate to this on a personal level nothing can prepare you for this as you mentioned soul searching is an inevitable process,unfortunately with this horrendous disease is not discriminatory & with the advances in medicines hopefully they will identify the cause of this & one day find a cure, the way we looked at it was this is something that has to be dealt with it is amazing the strength of character/resolve of the individuals concerned but all you can do is just be there for them in their time of need,hopefully the target & more will be achieved.
Wishing you & yours well
Dave (Stephen's dad).
Dave so sorry to read this. This is something very close to me and my wifes hearts at the moment as her mother is fighting cancer and one of her best friends 8 year old son who was born on my wifes birthday passed away this at 4am this morning.
We both wish you all the best of luck in Germany later this month and have been more than happy to do a little bit to help you reach your target and hopefully blow right through it.
Boyd
I'm sure there are a lot of people thinking of Verity, India and you right now Dave.
Wishing you all the very best.
Having gone through 3 fights with cancer with my best friend over a 12 year period, before it finally took him 10 years ago, I know the stress and heartache cancer causes. My thoughts to you, your wife and family Dave. Donation on the way, best wishes and keep the fight going Dave.
Dave thanks for sharing this with us. All best wishes
Dave, thanks for your moving story. I am also battling cancer at the moment (which is why I haven't been on LJN much recently) and it's a b*gger! Wishing you and your family all the best, donation on it's way x
Best wishes Dave.
This has also been posted on the Prolandscaper Hub so for those who read both I apologise for the duplicate content. Hopefully you’ll understand that it has taken a long time to try to find the right words, and that’s just doing it once!
Before I start I just want to offer Pembroke Garden Services my thoughts. I don't have cancer (I hope) but I live with it every hour of every day so I'm pretty clued up on how you're feeling. If you ever want a chat with somebody who has slightly more than a laymans knowledge please call me. I have had some great support from this industry (which I allude to below) and firmly believe that what comes around should also go around. The offer is there.
Firstly Verity wants to say a huge ’thank you so much’ to those who have contributed to her Moonwalk cause so far. In many ways this isn’t about raising as much money as possible; it’s about my wife feeling she can still make a difference and a have a positive impact despite her condition. This has done wonders for her moral and I can’t start to explain the importance of her remaining positive and feeling useful because it makes her feel alive. That is what will keep her going, I can’t emphasise that enough.
Secondly I wanted to say this before but resisted because the original post is rightly about Verity, not about me. The reaction I’ve had from friends and colleagues within the industry has been terrific and these kind words and donations are now added to the mix of people who have unwittingly provided me with much of the support I’ve needed to keep on going. I am deeply grateful.
It’s very easy to shy away from serious illness and from broaching the subject in conversation. It can be a real ‘elephant in the room’. But for some reason everybody I’ve encountered within our industry – online as well as in person – have never shied away from talking to me about it. Not ever. I think about that a great deal because it take genuine courage, character and thought to just write a few lines of support let alone contact me personally or ask me about it in conversation. I think it speaks volumes for the people who operate within our industry.
In a weird way this walk represents a watershed in this journey of ours – hoping that the new regime of treatment takes effect and hoping that Germany holds some answers for us. Going public like this was never something I intended to do but seeing the impact it’s had on Verity makes me so glad that I did.
The figure raised so far now is £5,314 and at least £350 of that has come from readers of the Prolandscaper Hub and Landscape Juice Network. You guys got her over the £5,000 mark! She burst into tears when she looked at it online – that is the effect you’ve had.
And this is hard earned money. I, as much as anybody, know how tough things can be for us trying to forge our way in this industry and let’s be honest, sometimes the rewards aren’t great. So for you to choose to part with some of that hard earned cash for Verity is awesome. I’d like to personally thank everybody for their generosity and I really hope I’ve conveyed the deeper positive impact this will have on her.
I won’t keep updating this because it will get tedious for readers. Suffice to say the walk isn’t until 11th May so if you’re minded and haven’t donated a couple of quid please do consider it. I will, of course post the final amount raised and a picture or two of the evening. I am hoping to get Verity to the finishing line in the early hours so that she can welcome ‘her team’ back.
http://www.walkthewalkfundraising.org/team_v_on_juice
All best,
Dave
PS - MV, sadly you can't use anything like a bed chair - its seems that even walking poles aren't allowed. I guess with the volume of people walking it's necessary to keep things moving smoothly and things like sticks, chairs etc may get in the way. I don't know that but I'm guessing that's the case.
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