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PRO
What does one think of my introductory email letter re new commercial business to managing agents.Any comments, to short, too long, anything to add, anything to remove, typos!Here goes!----Dear sirs,Thank you kindly for sparing two minutes of your valued time to read my introductory email.My name is Andrew Palmer and I run a grounds maintenance gardening company based in Brentwood, Essex named The Lawn Ranger.To give you a very brief outline about myself, I set up the Lawn Ranger a few years ago as I have a keen interest in open areas and garden spaces. I run my company with four employees we run a split mix 70/30 domestic clientele and residential commercial sites around the local area. I would like to increase the size of our commercial arm of the business, either with commercial flat residential grounds maintenance work, or commercial office grounds blocks.We have been in operation for around two years, and have the operational expertise and small enough attention to detail to care for the sites be it weekly or fortnightly. We also cater for soft plant landscaping, fencing, maintenance, large scale hedge work and tree surgery, to help cover the needs of your site.I have attached a copy of our companies product and public liability insurance, and would like to hear further from yourself or your colleagues where we may be able to tender for sites around the Essex, Hertfordshire and London areas which may come up for tender / renewal over the coming weeks or months.If you would like to meet me in person to require any further details please do not hesitate to contact me at andythelawnranger@gmail.com or my mobile as I'm on site most of the time 07967 595 475.I look forward to hearing further from yourself or your colleagues.Kind regards and on behalf of The Lawn RangerAndrew PalmerProprietor--------Please feel free to post your own.

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Replies

  • Difficult, but I think you need to get the right name to contact. In my experience the post is opened by the lowest-level member of the team, and that's the last person you want to be reaching. A generic "dear Sirs" might find the odd result, but I'd bet most would be filed away and never see the light of day again.

    I don't know how that is achieved with larger managing agents, as the people who have the decision-making power will be trying to avoid the general mail. With local agents it's pretty simple to find the property managers or lettings managers on their websites, so you have the right person opening the envelope.

    Grammar hat on, lol! Company's, not companies, insurance. Wouldn't bother with the "on site most of the time, just a number.

    The "I run" and "we run" sentence doesn't work: I'd simplify it to "we cater for both domestic and commercial sites, and due to expansion we are able to offer our services to an increased area". Something like that, I'm tired and on my second glass of white, but my point is to always write it so it seems you are doing them a favour offering some free slots in your usually-full schedule, not trying to find work.

    Personally, I hate the lists of things people put on flyers, or on the side of vans: you either miss some out, or you bore people before they get to the end. It's a topic of it's own I guess, and I know people will disagree, but I'd prefer to see "all plumbing work undertaken", "all electrical services catered for", "all aspects of cosmetic dentistry", rather than the "fencing, turfing, sheds, lawn cutting, planting, gutter-cleaning, pressure-washing, take your dog for a walk" type lists we see from our industry. I don't do everything, but can put the client in touch with any service, so a simple "specialists in all aspects of grounds management" or something would be SO much easier to read!

    Hope that helps, great to bounce ideas off others before sending it out.

  • PRO

    Just looking at what you've got there I would remove:

    'Thank you kindly for sparing two minutes of your valued time to read my introductory email' - Not needed. Keep to the point and keep it professional.

    'To give you a very brief outline about myself, I set up the Lawn Ranger a few years ago as I have a keen interest in open areas and garden spaces'. - Not needed

    'have been in operation for around two years, and' - remove this from the middle of the sentence. Then reads 'We have the operational expertise...

  • Out of curiosity are other members willing to show there examples to help others out ?

  • I would, but I can't find it: I last sent a mailshot out on a previous PC and it's not in the files that transfered over. A shame, it was pretty good if I need it again!

  • PRO
    Not many as I searched for this type of thing on the net then on this forum, I'm an open type of guy, and I couldn't find many member in my neck of the woods. What I need help on is my pricing structure I know it's personal, but I seem to well over est. and don't get the work or under est. Then regret doing it for the client!

    Andrew
  • PRO

    Just out of interest what is your response rate Andy?
    I'm curious, not nitpicking!

    Cheers

    Nick

    Andy Robinson said:

    This is what I email prospective clients, hope it helps.

    To whom it may concern...

    Sir/madam, I appreciate that this email may not have been sent directly to the correct person, but I would be extremely grateful if you could forward it on to the relevant department/person if at all possible please.

    Let me introduce myself, my name is Andy Robinson, I am the owner of Countrywide Landscaping based in Jarrow, Tyne & Wear.
    I have all the necessary experience and equipment required to undertake any landscaping/gardening request and I am fully insured with £5 million of public liability insurance.
    I would be very grateful if you would consider my company for any landscaping/gardening/maintenance requirements that you may have; this could include anything from hedge/shrub trimming, grass/lawn cutting, weed control, regular maintenance work or general site clearance etc.

    I would be happy to discuss any requirements that you may have either now or in the future.

    Kind regards

    --
    Andy Robinson
    Countrywide Landscaping

  • PRO
    I've tried to kick some the crap out of mine,

    Dear sirs/madam.

    Thank you kindly for sparing two minutes of your valued time.

    My name is Andrew Palmer and we run a grounds maintenance gardening company based in Brentwood, Essex named The Lawn Ranger.

    To give you a very brief outline, I set up The Lawn Ranger a few years ago as I have a keen interest in open areas and garden spaces. We have four employees, and have a split mix of 70/30 % domestic clientele and residential commercial sites. I would like to increase the size of our commercial arm of the business.

    We can benefit your organisation by having the operational expertise and a small enough attention to detail to care for your sites. We cater for soft plant landscaping, fencing, grounds maintenance, large scale hedge work and tree surgery.

    I have attached a copy of our companies product and public liability insurance and would like to hear further from yourself or your colleagues where we may be able to tender for sites around the Essex, Hertfordshire and London areas which may come up for tender / renewal over the coming weeks or months.

    If you would like to meet me in person to require any further details please do not hesitate to contact me at andythelawnranger@gmail.com or my mobile 07967 595 475.

    I look forward to hearing further from yourself or your colleagues.

    Kind regards on behalf of The Lawn Ranger,


    Andrew Palmer
    Proprietor
  • PRO

    I cut and pasted your text and Emailed myself and it went into my spam / junk folder.

    I believe on my filter system it doesn't like Emails from gmail plus a few other choice words / phases such as valued time, Dear Sir / Madam plus a few other phases.

    Whilst I take my hat off to you for taking this approach but I fear that so many businesses are being targeted by Email marketing companies it would be hard to ensure the message reaches the intended target.

    Have you tried cold calling? Identify the business you would be keen to service and phone them up, with a little research before hand you should be able to work out who to speak to etc. All you need is to spend a few minutes having a quick chat then follow this up in writing (post and Email).

  • this is something ive been looking into recently, ive got a painting and decorating one off my father in law that i could tweek and adjust to suit.

    has anyone got a letter theyve used in the past that they might share 

     

    Thanks Mike

  • We have discussed before the best approach for gaining commercial contracts. My method, which has always been very effective, is to always speak to them first before sending an email [often the work is gained just from the chat with no need for correspondence]. A friendly chat over the phone or much more preferably face to face, is by far the best way to make an impression. Then the follow up email with more detail will be better received and more likely have the desired effect.

    After the initial chat, the follow up email can then be more concise and to the point, referencing the conversation.

    I became a Chatsworth Estate Contractor merely by a telephone conversation. No resume was required or sent. I was told that the current contractor on two particular sites was withdrawing and I was given the contact number. One chat and I was on board.

    In my long experience, an unsolicited and unexpected email has little chance of success.

    About four years ago I rang the Clerk of a Parish Council which is a little outside my usual area. The contracts had just been given at that time, so I sent them an email much earlier the following year. The telephone conversation had been very friendly and certain issues with the current contractor were highlighted. So my email could be short and crucially, reference the chat we had and the main point[s] raised.

     Here it is –

    Hello Rosalind,

    I am ‘My Name’ a Gardening Contractor. I spoke to you on the telephone at length last year, but by then the contracts had already been awarded. You took my details at that time. You also made the point that as your grass was being cut by the District [or County] Council, there was inflexibility of the timing of cuts as regards Galas or other events, which would not be the case with an individual Contractor like myself, who could be contacted directly.

     I have been grass cutting professionally since 1985. Along with many other contracts/clients, I am the main Contractor for xxxxxx Parish Council, mowing all their playing fields and Cemetery. Obviously I can't go into a full resume here, but I would like to be considered for any grass cutting/hedge cutting contracts you may have available in the future. References can be provided. Please don't hesitate to contact me with any questions.

     

    Best Regards

     

    My Name’

This reply was deleted.

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