Our web mail form elicited this response from some likely individual recently:
"Hello. I am a potential customer, and I would like to get a feel for the services you provide and the prices you are willing to offer.
"I am just merely browsing the internet for information on gardening services in the local area, and I want to see how your service compares as I want the best service I can get for my garden. If there is anyway I can learn about your prices (charging hourly or by size, and how much, ect) and what equipment you will be using that would be great. Thank you in advance."
It's the kind of thing which tempts me to remove the response form from the site. All of the serious enquiries to come via the web site to date have been by phone.
However, not wishing an opportunity for a bit of fun to go begging, I wondered which of the wags on LJN could compose the best response.
Over to you.
Views: 53
Replies
Dear 'Potential Customer'
Thank you for your email.
Congratulations on stumbling upon my website whilst merely browsing the internet. I trust once stumbled upon, you spent a couple of minutes merely browsing my website educating yourself on the services that my company provide. this being the case renders the first part of your investigative email redundant.
The equipment that my company use is fairly self explanatory... we use the appropriate equipment to complete whatever task is at hand. I hope this furthers your understanding of the industry and my company as a whole.
Now the price of the great services we provide is dependant on many factors. Size, Shape, service, labour and in this case the customer. Price is a very sensitive area and with out a full site survey and consultation the risk of in accuracy is the only accurate outcome.
I hope this helps furthering your knowledge of the industry. If you require any further help in setting up your local 2 bob gardening service please feel free to contact me.
Kind regards
A rival business owner.
£5 per square inch of lawn cut with top of the range lawn mowing scissors. Weeding £3.75 per weed pulled plus Vat and emergency weeding call out fee. :-) Fully catered 3 course meal expected for visits longer than 4 hours.
Always find people who fish for prices on the first phone call are more often than not time -wasters.
Ive had similar - I took my website down as I find word of mouth caters for me 90% now, and all webmail enqueries were either cheapskates wanting "the best price" or like that one, People thinking about starting a business and fishing for information - waste of time reading them. Phonecalls were fine, but tended to cluster massivly in April for people who hadnt touched their garden all spring and wanted it tidying - maintaining etc but as they had left it late I was already booked up for the season - Leafletting and Word of Mouth seem to get customers January - Febuary who dont wait till its a mess to get someone looking after it.
Unbelievable that anyone would think you would reply in ernest to such an email? Its like when you get asked to quote a big job and the customer asks you to itemise every single material you would be using and exact time/labour figures, just so they can use your quote as a crib sheet to do it themselves or get Joe Soap out of the pub to do it cheaper! Moronic.
If you can supply the exact size of your garden by email I am happy to quote without seeing it. I will need the 3-dimensional volume, however, as my equipment is very time-sensitive.
Please don't be put off by the small appearance of my van. It's larger on the inside.....