Making a memorial garden

Hello, any ideas please? I live far from where my father lived - he died four years ago. He was cremated and has a small slab with his name and dates on it next to the church path of his favourite and often visited church in the UK. I don't often go there - like many people I cannot go to a point that was part of his day to day life and pay my respects or make a connection with him. So I had an idea to make a small memorial place for him in my own garden. I thought of a half barrel with pond lillies or marsh irises something like that. I don't actually know anything at all about gardens except that - as I live in France - I am lucky that things I put in usually grow - vegetables and so on - although with the dry summer - even the onions were very small last year. I did have an electronic dragonfly that changed colour throughout the night so that every time I drew the curtains in the evening I saw it and I thought he would have liked it. But it unlike the plants - soon stopped working. So, I was wondering what simple economical ideas you experts might have? Christmas and the New Year is often a time when we miss people who used to bring a lot to it and maybe some of you are also thinking about people you have lost? And even though it is winter now - perhaps it is possible to make a little plan and to find out where to get plants/stones/ paving whatever to then plant things in the Spring? Thank you for your ideas, best wishes for 2020 to all.

Replies

PRO

Adam Woods December 29, 2019 at 12:11pm

I dont know if this is an option.... but I have a client (who I've never met), every 3 months I go to their parents grave and tidy it, occasionally buy or remove plants - it doesnt cost them a lot for 4 short visits a year - but it always looks a lot smarter than the abandoned graves in the yard.
- Carol Miers > Adam Woods December 31, 2019 at 9:26am
  
  Hi, that is a nice idea - my father's flat stone next to a path is actually in a church graveyard or near to the church where the grass is cut so there isn't an area there I could keep tidy. But here in France, my 'stepfather's' memorial area often needs tidying up and also some plants have survived, not others. Lavendar and miniature cyclamen and spring bulbs/flowers have lasted and a rose I think. It must be an important job to tidy up someone's parents grave for them. Thanks
PRO

BCH Gardens December 29, 2019 at 10:28pm

I had a younger sister killed in a car crash about 16 years ago. Her name was Nicola, and since then I have always tried to have a rose or a few plants in a corner named "Nicky" or "Nicola" or similar in their name. It was more about me remembering her and having a little living corner for her.
- Glen Stillman > BCH Gardens December 30, 2019 at 4:58pm
  
  My best mate died of brain cancer 5 years ago and his mum does something similar, she has a rose that flowers at the time of his birthday. She lives a long way from where he is buried, and like you say, it's just her way of remembering him.
  - Carol Miers > Glen Stillman December 31, 2019 at 9:36am
    
    Well that is the idea yes. I am sorry that you lost your friend. We have lost a friend this year of course. That is a lovely idea to have it flowering the same time as his birthday. My father died in January but his birthday was early October so that might be possible. It is funny, when our dog died we put it in the garden and straight away planted lavendar, a white rose and .................carrots.......................she loved carrots. I think the rose the Robin Redbreast flowers into Autumn, maybe that would work. I remember that there is a row of housing that is very plain apart from one that has rows of beautiful plants in pots in front of it - in memory of their daughter. The parents are unable to get up to the cemetery. Thank you for your suggestion
    - Glen Stillman > Carol Miers January 1, 2020 at 1:11am
      
      Yeah October is tricky, might be worth looking at some salvia or agastache varieties.
      - Carol Miers > Glen Stillman January 4, 2020 at 10:25am
        
        Glen Stillman, yes from looking online they are beautiful blues and purples- and giant hyssops (agastache) even more colours white, pink, mauve, or purple,- and aromatic so hopefully insects would like them. They seem a good idea to me. Flowers that are good pollinators appeal because of course considering how a garden affects species matters too. Thanks
- Carol Miers > BCH Gardens December 31, 2019 at 9:32am
  
  Really sorry for your loss. I would try to do something like that and I guess I might need a pseudonym as my father's name was Richard although he used his second name, Jimmy. He loved nature so maybe he would have liked a rose called Robin Redbreast. But yes a bit like my lighting up plastic dragonfly - your flower reminds you of your sister and better than a plastic toy to have a living corner - Thank you. Maybe there are flowers called Jimmy or Richard I will have to see.
Rebecca Wallman January 4, 2020 at 10:30pm

Hi Carol.

I think the best thing to plant for remembering those we’ve lost is a tree. It will hopefully outlive us all. It doesn’t have to be big. Something like a Crab Apple would be a lovely choice. Beautiful spring blossom and then later fruit for the birds, or to make jelly with if an edible variety. A permanent memorial to be enjoyed by all.