The NOTORIOUS Alan...

Well it looks like Wednesday night is becoming my 'regular timeslot' on the blogscape.... what with Fereday off capering (technical Morris dancing term apparently), I seem to have time to get on with a little bit of posting....For anyone who's been following my Wednesday night updates, you'll be pleased to know there's no eBay activity this week and therefore I'm not sat on the floor in an empty house balancing the laptop on a box scavenged from a neighbour's skip. However, one startling eBay-related realisation this week was that Fereday's old junk makes more money than my old junk - indeed, you could say Fereday has the more sophisticated and desirable 'old junque' while I just have 'plain old junk'.... if I start to run out of blogspiration, I'll just start working my way through Fereday's worldly goods.... used Volvo estate anyone? What about a Wolfgarten with loads of attachments .... good honest fun for all the family (though even I have to admit that I'd hold onto the fascinating apple picker bag thingy if we had one)!Anyway, I was reading the Sunday paper's movie section and it seems that the rapper Sean Jean P-Diddy Puffy Daddy Comb-your-hair thing-a-me - you know, the chap with the yacht and the bling, always seen with a load of pop stars... the one who isn't Max Clifford - has released a biopic about his long dead friend and fellow rapper "The Notorious BIG" (I think you're supposed to spell out 'B-I-G' rather than say the word 'Big'.... but, well, whatever). And then, for some reason, the forum discussion about the dumbing down of gardening television appeared in my mind ... initially holding these two ideas in my little brain was a bit like trying to marry leeks and blackberries in a recipe, but then I thought "Hold on, this Heston Blumenthal brain wave has something to it...." Not quite a eureka moment, I grant you, but I take the crumbs I can! Anyway, so this gets me to the ideal online game for LJN....FANTASY CASTING DIRECTOR FOR .... (wait for it)....The NOOOOTORIOUS ALAN (TITCHMARSH)Come on, we can all play this one....Alan - Bruce Willis (overdubbed by Stephen Fry, of course, or Paul Merton.... he seems to be available for anything... )Young Alan - James McEvoy (well this would help explain the attraction 'Later' Alan holds for what are politely termed 'Ladies of a certain age')Alan in short trousers - a complete unknown, someone to give realism to the 'Billy Elliot' moment of Alan running down a backstreet between the terraced houses with a trowel in one hand and a packet of seeds in another shouting, "But I just want ta dig, Da.... just dig...." with his disapproving father, played by Alan Sugar glowering in the background, while his heartbroken Mum played by Grayson Perry weeps inconsolably.... they wanted him to be a hedge fund manager....Carol Klein - Glenda Jackson or Dustin Hoffman (that man can do anything!)Joe Swift - someone with edge is a must, what about Ricky Gervase???Rachel de Thame - Kirstie Allsop ("Can she act?", you ask - well, she's still selling the property market in the face of what the rest of the world sees as the worst downturn since the ice-shelf melted and uncovered Manchester city centre, so yes, I think she can act.)Diarmuid Gavin - Dylan Moran (of course, you'd also need his best chap, Lawrence Lllllllewlllyn-Bowtie, but you could probably cover that off with a horse in a wig)The Queen - I'm thinking of the Chelsea coverage here, so it's a departure, but I'm going to plum for Dame Judi Dench over Dame Helen Mirren... I think we'd want jolly, chubby-faced Queen to look at the pretty flowers rather than serious, anus horribilus QueenMonty Don - David Threllfall (hopefully in the style of Frank Gallagher from Shameless)The Ghost of Percy Thrower - for that Hamlet parallel to guarantee Oscars (if not Baftas, the Brits are a bit more discerning about obvious pandering for awards), something along the 'to prune or not to prune' lines.... Adam Hart Davies or, and oh, this is just genius, can we get Sir Derek Jacobi???? In the monk cossie? Or even Davies in a monk cossie????

Darling Cat you are GENIUS!

I’m loving the Kirstie idea, she IS FAB even when about to drop, she does have the most lovely diction.

Dame Judy could be so right for the part of our majesty but wonder if our friend Jules (or Ms Walters, for those who don’t know her) is perhaps a little more fun? She would certainly not be an ‘anus horribilus Queen’ either on set or in character.

As you know darling, I swoon over a French accent, so how about basting the whole around Le Manoir? There is the charming house, location and Raymond is such a sweetie. He is a natural in the vegetable bed and comes across very well on camera (even though I have no idea what he is saying through that heavy French accent).

I know you favour the elderly Bonds, but couldn’t you just squeeze Daniel in somewhere? perhaps playing Chris Beardshaw?

We must do Harvey Nicks sometime soon darling. xx

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Comments

Mike Stapleton February 19, 2009 at 11:18am

where can i get tickets to the premier (but only if Frank Thornton in playing prince charles )lol
Kerrie John-The garden design Co February 19, 2009 at 6:19pm

Darling Cat you are GENIUS!

I’m loving the Kirstie idea, she IS FAB even when about to drop, she does have the most lovely diction.

Dame Judy could be so right for the part of our majesty but wonder if our friend Jules (or Ms Walters, for those who don’t know her) is perhaps a little more fun? She would certainly not be an ‘anus horribilus Queen’ either on set or in character.

As you know darling, I swoon over a French accent, so how about basting the whole around Le Manoir? There is the charming house, location and Raymond is such a sweetie. He is a natural in the vegetable bed and comes across very well on camera (even though I have no idea what he is saying through that heavy French accent).

I know you favour the elderly Bonds, but couldn’t you just squeeze Daniel in somewhere? perhaps playing Chris Beardshaw?

We must do Harvey Nicks sometime soon darling. xx
Cat Fereday February 19, 2009 at 8:29pm

How about Daniel playing John Terode... little cameo set-piece of Alan doing a stint on Celebrity Masterchef???
Kerrie John-The garden design Co February 19, 2009 at 8:33pm

Perfect.
PRO

Phil Voice February 19, 2009 at 8:57pm

Don't you think that Mr Terode looks a little podgy?
Kerrie John-The garden design Co February 19, 2009 at 9:07pm

Yes, that's why Daniel is playing him. Derrrr
PRO

Phil Voice February 19, 2009 at 9:10pm

...I must learn to keep up.

...and stay out of female fantasies :-0))
Cat Fereday February 19, 2009 at 11:13pm

Greg is the chubby one, Phil - do keep up!
Andrew Fereday February 20, 2009 at 10:12pm

Phil,
As far as female fantasies go, Kirstie Allsop is probably a safe pair of hands (no pun intended...). Although I think David Threlfall would be a better choice for the ghost of Percy Thrower.

Oh, and Alan Bennet (rather than Daniel Craig) as John Torrode - "Oooh, those Macaroons are nearly good as Mr Pettiforth's at number 43....."
Andrew Fereday February 20, 2009 at 10:17pm

Oh, but it needs to be directed by John Woo or Ridley Scott...