The NOTORIOUS Alan...

Well it looks like Wednesday night is becoming my 'regular timeslot' on the blogscape.... what with Fereday off capering (technical Morris dancing term apparently), I seem to have time to get on with a little bit of posting....For anyone who's been following my Wednesday night updates, you'll be pleased to know there's no eBay activity this week and therefore I'm not sat on the floor in an empty house balancing the laptop on a box scavenged from a neighbour's skip. However, one startling eBay-related realisation this week was that Fereday's old junk makes more money than my old junk - indeed, you could say Fereday has the more sophisticated and desirable 'old junque' while I just have 'plain old junk'.... if I start to run out of blogspiration, I'll just start working my way through Fereday's worldly goods.... used Volvo estate anyone? What about a Wolfgarten with loads of attachments .... good honest fun for all the family (though even I have to admit that I'd hold onto the fascinating apple picker bag thingy if we had one)!Anyway, I was reading the Sunday paper's movie section and it seems that the rapper Sean Jean P-Diddy Puffy Daddy Comb-your-hair thing-a-me - you know, the chap with the yacht and the bling, always seen with a load of pop stars... the one who isn't Max Clifford - has released a biopic about his long dead friend and fellow rapper "The Notorious BIG" (I think you're supposed to spell out 'B-I-G' rather than say the word 'Big'.... but, well, whatever). And then, for some reason, the forum discussion about the dumbing down of gardening television appeared in my mind ... initially holding these two ideas in my little brain was a bit like trying to marry leeks and blackberries in a recipe, but then I thought "Hold on, this Heston Blumenthal brain wave has something to it...." Not quite a eureka moment, I grant you, but I take the crumbs I can! Anyway, so this gets me to the ideal online game for LJN....FANTASY CASTING DIRECTOR FOR .... (wait for it)....The NOOOOTORIOUS ALAN (TITCHMARSH)Come on, we can all play this one....Alan - Bruce Willis (overdubbed by Stephen Fry, of course, or Paul Merton.... he seems to be available for anything... )Young Alan - James McEvoy (well this would help explain the attraction 'Later' Alan holds for what are politely termed 'Ladies of a certain age')Alan in short trousers - a complete unknown, someone to give realism to the 'Billy Elliot' moment of Alan running down a backstreet between the terraced houses with a trowel in one hand and a packet of seeds in another shouting, "But I just want ta dig, Da.... just dig...." with his disapproving father, played by Alan Sugar glowering in the background, while his heartbroken Mum played by Grayson Perry weeps inconsolably.... they wanted him to be a hedge fund manager....Carol Klein - Glenda Jackson or Dustin Hoffman (that man can do anything!)Joe Swift - someone with edge is a must, what about Ricky Gervase???Rachel de Thame - Kirstie Allsop ("Can she act?", you ask - well, she's still selling the property market in the face of what the rest of the world sees as the worst downturn since the ice-shelf melted and uncovered Manchester city centre, so yes, I think she can act.)Diarmuid Gavin - Dylan Moran (of course, you'd also need his best chap, Lawrence Lllllllewlllyn-Bowtie, but you could probably cover that off with a horse in a wig)The Queen - I'm thinking of the Chelsea coverage here, so it's a departure, but I'm going to plum for Dame Judi Dench over Dame Helen Mirren... I think we'd want jolly, chubby-faced Queen to look at the pretty flowers rather than serious, anus horribilus QueenMonty Don - David Threllfall (hopefully in the style of Frank Gallagher from Shameless)The Ghost of Percy Thrower - for that Hamlet parallel to guarantee Oscars (if not Baftas, the Brits are a bit more discerning about obvious pandering for awards), something along the 'to prune or not to prune' lines.... Adam Hart Davies or, and oh, this is just genius, can we get Sir Derek Jacobi???? In the monk cossie? Or even Davies in a monk cossie????
Votes: 0
E-mail me when people leave their comments –

Comments

  • where can i get tickets to the premier (but only if Frank Thornton in playing prince charles )lol
  • Darling Cat you are GENIUS!

    I’m loving the Kirstie idea, she IS FAB even when about to drop, she does have the most lovely diction.

    Dame Judy could be so right for the part of our majesty but wonder if our friend Jules (or Ms Walters, for those who don’t know her) is perhaps a little more fun? She would certainly not be an ‘anus horribilus Queen’ either on set or in character.

    As you know darling, I swoon over a French accent, so how about basting the whole around Le Manoir? There is the charming house, location and Raymond is such a sweetie. He is a natural in the vegetable bed and comes across very well on camera (even though I have no idea what he is saying through that heavy French accent).

    I know you favour the elderly Bonds, but couldn’t you just squeeze Daniel in somewhere? perhaps playing Chris Beardshaw?

    We must do Harvey Nicks sometime soon darling. xx
  • How about Daniel playing John Terode... little cameo set-piece of Alan doing a stint on Celebrity Masterchef???
  • Perfect.
  • PRO
    Don't you think that Mr Terode looks a little podgy?
  • Yes, that's why Daniel is playing him. Derrrr
  • PRO
    ...I must learn to keep up.

    ...and stay out of female fantasies :-0))
  • Greg is the chubby one, Phil - do keep up!
  • Phil,
    As far as female fantasies go, Kirstie Allsop is probably a safe pair of hands (no pun intended...). Although I think David Threlfall would be a better choice for the ghost of Percy Thrower.

    Oh, and Alan Bennet (rather than Daniel Craig) as John Torrode - "Oooh, those Macaroons are nearly good as Mr Pettiforth's at number 43....."
  • Oh, but it needs to be directed by John Woo or Ridley Scott...
This reply was deleted.

You need to be a member of Landscape Juice Network to add comments!

Join Landscape Juice Network

Open forum activity

Peter sellers replied to David Benson's discussion liquid moss killer
"Pro kleen liquid iron sulphate direct from Pro kleen around £21 for 2x5lts delivered. We put 2.5lts in a 12lt knapsack, thoroughly wet area, avoid hot windy days.
Have used it for years highly recommend."
21 hours ago
Martin Ashdown posted a discussion
We chat over knowing your numbers, eating frogs and RASI forms. Please like and share to help us grow this channel.https://open.spotify.com/episode/0PwhpTOoJrhqiyRRK32qM7?si=252f7534...
21 hours ago
Dave Colton replied to David Benson's discussion liquid moss killer
"I haven't use liquid iron but do use soluble iron sulphate, takes a wee bit more mixing as it's a powder but I find it goes further and is cheaper than the liquid, I get mine from agrigem."
yesterday
David Benson posted a discussion
i have to treat some small areas of lawn with a lot of paving round them and one area there is a swiming pool. my usual way is lawn sand and a broardcast spredder but this is not ideal for this job, what liquid killer do you recomend for a knapsack…
yesterday
James Brett liked Martin Ashdown's discussion Two Ordinary Blokes in Business Podcast
Sunday
James Brett updated their profile
Sunday
Bryn Edmondson updated their profile
Sunday
Sam Bainbridge replied to Dougie's discussion Looking for a new roller machine
"Horrible in the wet just shows we are all different. I wouldn't even consider hayter for the terrible collection reason"
Sunday
Groundleader replied to Peter sellers's discussion Retirement advice
"This is definitely NOT my field of expertise, but I'd guess what most buyers might be interested in, could include:
1)  What's the realistic market value of your "hard" assets (vehicles, machinery, tools, materials etc).
2)  For the "goodwill" part…"
Saturday
Greenlawns replied to Dougie's discussion Looking for a new roller machine
"I've used Hayter harrier 56 pro mowers for 30 years . They're the best for maintenance,  admittedly not great in the wet , but I wouldn't change . "
Saturday
Sam Bainbridge replied to Dougie's discussion Looking for a new roller machine
"Interesting with the weibang I've had 1 for 5yrs bought new and it's been fine nothing to report as of yet which compared to the honda new needing a new back end after 18 months."
Saturday
Sam Bainbridge replied to Dougie's discussion Looking for a new roller machine
"Buy an old Honda roller mower, the new ones break in 18 months and cost you £500 that is then repeated every 12 months.
Either a honda or others the same which actually came out of the same factory with different names, sharp, lawnflite, kaaz, all…"
Saturday
Max alam posted a discussion
Im looking for my first 100 founding members to join and use canopy and i have approx 65 spaces left.. if your in the UK running a garden maintenance / landscaping company and could be intrested , feel free to enter the waiting list.Thecanopyapp.com
Thursday
Tim Bucknall replied to Daniel Gillings @ DC inc's discussion Rumble strips in lawn!
"Can you change the direction of mowing? Always using a roller mower in the same pattern can cause this.
 "
Thursday
Max alam posted a discussion
does anyone find themselves spending money on an invoicing and qouting app? do some of you use tradify to manage bookings and schedule?whats the best way to manage workflow when you get busy in the season ?
Apr 27
Paul Errington replied to Daniel Gillings @ DC inc's discussion Rumble strips in lawn!
"Try using a Turf Teq Power Rake to smooth it out. It will mill off the high spots and work the spoil into the low bits."
Apr 27
More…

how good does this look?

Im looking for my first 100 founding members to join and use canopy and i have approx 65 spaces left.. if your in the UK running a garden maintenance / landscaping company and could be intrested , feel free to enter the waiting list.Thecanopyapp.com

Read more…
0 Replies
Views: 38

Invoicing / Quoting

does anyone find themselves spending money on an invoicing and qouting app? do some of you use tradify to manage bookings and schedule?whats the best way to manage workflow when you get busy in the season ?

Read more…
0 Replies
Views: 49