Large, still very much in charge... but suddenly sympathic to that commercial for chafing lotion....

It's hot!Regrettably, it's time to share the not so fabulous side of being a gardener's wife.... well, this is supposed to be warts and all.... It's true that 'Rubenesque' is a beautiful word, but no one really wants it to be used in a description of themselves, so it's in with the Special K and skimmed milk (skimmed of all the taste) and Fereday eating extra Chorizo with everything.... It's sod's law (or possibly Cat's Conundrum) that at precisely the time of year when I need to be dropping the odd stone or two, Fereday needs to be consuming 200% of the GDA of protein and about 3,000 calories a day to keep going.... It's enough to make me give up the air conditioned office for the sweltering outdoors - or it was until I was nearly overcome with the heat after working in the garden on Saturday - don't worry, I revived with a big glass of wine at the Brasserie on the Bull in Halifax (which is excellent, by the way), but not before I misread a menu entry as 'All sharing platters are served with bread and dripping'.... it actually said 'bread and dipping oil', but there you go, I was weakened by sun stroke and trying to read the menu Fereday was looking at upsidedown! What with the diet, I'm finding that menus are like porn... restaurant owners in Halifax will soon be shooing me away from their doorsteps and wiping spittle from the little glass display boxes which they put their menus in.....As we move into summer and the hot weather, I'm deperate to drop the 'winter doughnut', especially as Fereday's wintertime 'sweater basketball' is a thing of distant memory!.... so I'm getting up in the morning and having a bowl of Special K Red Berries (30g + skimmed milk to soften it)... 3 Marlboro and 2 cups of black tea (you can tell I'm getting up early, I manage more than half a cuppa)... then I'm walking into work (just about making the 10 minute walk in under 30 minutes - well, there's the little bowling alley menu, the Patisserie and the corner coffee shop before I get to the office... all with menus... and pretty food pictures in the window).... lunch is now the 'protein scavenge' in M&S and a bottle of water... protein, so I'm told, is supposed to keep you full for longer - don't pity me, I'm surviving on salmon, prawns, crab, sushi (yes, we get sushi up North!!!)..... then a 'torture stop' into Thornton's to buy Fereday some chocolates because I worry that he isn't getting enough calories.... today I bought the white chocolate and fruit mini-bars selection for £6.... needless to say that he's rationing them and they're hidden in the fridge....Dinner equates to the balance of calories up to 1500/1600 which I can afford after breakfast and lunch....and a fair bit of 'grape juice', so tonight we had tuna....Rumour has it that there's a 'mini meal' which takes place between Fereday coming in from work and me getting home when Fereday tops up on calorific lovely, jubbly food....(I'd say the rumours were spread by the house rabbits, but you'd think I was hallucinating for lack of nourishment!).... I'm guessing this is probably the best meal of the day - but I couldn't swear to that.... I'm never home to share it!Incidentally, if anyone is looking for a sideline to the gardening business - and some free help - you could do worse than offer 'team building days' to jaded executives..... "Right, the object of this exercise is to clear the field of all weeds and plant an orchard.... you'll be divided into four teams...... and I'll be sat here under this brolly if anyone needs some advice....." At the very least, on a really hot day, you could manage to rid the world of a couple of bankers or civil servants!

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