Trials of a Gardener's Wife

Hello. This is my new blog on this website. The theme is going to be pretty simple - as a gardener's wife, you're on a constant learning curve(!), so I'm going to share what I'm learning....Here's the first few "seeds" of wisdom...(1) Gloves... the rabbits of the gardener's wardrobe. Gloves mate and reproduce. What starts as one pair of nice suede gloves fresh from the garden centre, (what seems like overnight) become some 10 pairs of grubby, rolled-up, pairs... and two mis-matched singles (which I always refer to as the "Gilbert and George" pair). You can tackle the tide of gloves quite efficiently by putting a "mini clothes line" up on the inside of the back door where gloves can be pegged (in matching pairs... except Gilbert and George, of course). Alternatively, you can superglue them to your husband's car (or van)! It depends on how narked you are about the pile of pots cluttering the back garden.(2) Pots! They come with at least one (usually large) price label which has been stuck on with an industrial adhesive or - if it is a sale label - a superstrong industrial adhesive. Your gardening husband is programmed to position them in the garden so that the price label shows - there is little you can do about this other than get a tester pot of terracotta paint, a brush, and a warm, dry day in the garden. Alternatively, you can give him a crack round the earhole and make him re-position the bl**dy thing!!!(3) Concentrated tomato food will stain the dark blue carpet in the (upstairs!!!!!!) guest bedroom. Small throw rugs are your friend, as are diamonds.... but I have married a gardener, so its a small throw rug for me!(4) Carpeting the downstairs hallway can only lead to tears of frustration, especially if that carpet is a pale colour and involves the area between the front door, back door, and the cellar!(5) Let him keep his tools in the cellar - it's only natural that he wants a little space of his own in which to do his own thing (whatever bizarre thing that may be). It's better and warmer than a shed in the garden... and if you happen to put the washer and dryer down there.... well, that can be his thing, too! (Trust me, this works... we bought a washer two years ago... I have never put a load of laundry in it, and I can't remember if it was white or silver! Hurrah!!!!!!!)(6) A few pots of seeds will quickly become five mini propagators.(7) Antique shopping and auction going takes on a whole new slant when you find yourself crawling among the "junk lots" on the floor for old copper plates, planters, coal scuttles, etc. in the neverending war against the slugs and snails.(8) Alan Titchmarsh is quite short in person, and "ladies of a certain age" do "go a bit funny" around him.... mmmmm.... I hope I'll never feel that way about Chris Beardshaw!(9) You can have the most beautiful little garden in the world which is designed to be your oasis of calm after a hard day in the office,.... but there is nothing you can do about the neighbour's "little darlings" who scream at the drop of a hat crashing in on the serenity of that 7pm glass of wine and the Archers.(10) Gardeners, regardless of physique, are very good at lifting heavy things, they are always up for a chat (spending most of their working day on their own), they tend to have an artistic eye, and whenever you tell your friends what your husband does, your friends go all dreamy and, invariably, are a bit envious.

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Comments

Andrew Fereday June 3, 2008 at 10:39pm

Being the husband in question, I really shouldn't comment. So I won't. Discretion being the better part of valour and all that...
PRO

Phil Voice June 4, 2008 at 8:24am

This is great - perhaps I ought to put a sign on this blog post door

Cat and Andy's room - caution needed when entering in case of flying garden tolls:-0)