The Silly Season

"Silly Season" - traditionally, the period of the summer recess of Parliament when good news story fodder is sparse and the media turns to providing viewers with indepth coverage of skateboarding squirrels. In the modern era, a more outstanding indicator of the onset of silly season has appeared... the cultural sink hole of programme scheduling that is Big Brother.Tonight marks the commencement of the 2008 installment of Big Brother, that barren wasteland of shattered dreams and unregainable minutes of my life. But it prompts me to think: what would happen if you loaded the "house" with 12 gardeners?? And I'm off on my little flight of fancy....- Day 1: general politeness and genality abounds, everyone acts as though they are genuinely pleased to meet everyone else (while secretly longing for some alcohol to arrive).- Day 2: the sheen of newness remains, but the prisoners inhabitants begin to explore their surroundings. Much tutting over the landscaping ensues, with widespread agreement that brook thistle is just so last year. Later that day, two of the inhabitants are caught on camera in the bedroom confessing a secret joy in the brook thistle... meanwhile, in the garden, the remaining housemates are enthusiastically "lifting" it (and hoying it over the fence).- Day 3: the atmosphere is cool. An altercation about the positioning of the Aruncus is reported in the media, but doesn't feature on the evening update show....- Day 15: war has broken out in the intervening days. Only now after the battle of the perennials, the dessimation of the ornamental grasses, and the defenestration of the tree ferns (which involved some considerable ingenuity on the part of the Jekyll brigade) has a cease fire broken out allowing the broadcaster to, well, broadcast. Viewers at home are speechless as the camera pans across the desolate interior of the house. Outside, one group of seemingly feral gardeners is holding the geraniums hostage in the shed, while another engages in sorties across "no man's lawn" picking off the dead heads and dropping dandelion seeds as they run.... no longer Big Brother, it is Lord of the Flymow... the nation is on tenterhooks..... and the mood is decidedly ugly in the house....
★
★
★
★
★
Votes: 0
E-mail me when people leave their comments –

You need to be a member of Landscape Juice Network to add comments!

Join Landscape Juice Network

Open forum activity

Piers Dixon replied to Piers Dixon's discussion Advertising garden maintenance services
"Thanks for your response. Have you actually tried this??"
14 hours ago
trimmora updated their profile
15 hours ago
Fusion Media posted a blog post
After 26 years at Radley College, Adam King has seen grounds management evolve dramatically. Weather patterns have become less predictable, playing surfaces are under greater pressure than ever, and flexibility has become one of the most valuable…
yesterday
Fusion Media posted a blog post
GroundsFest has welcomed Christina Walker to its sales team as preparations continue for the 2027 exhibition.Christina joins the award-winning team with an extensive background in publishing and exhibitions spanning more than two decades. She began…
yesterday
Fusion Media posted a blog post
When freezing temperatures threaten the pitches at Forest Green Rovers FC, speed is everything. Protecting the stadium and training ground with frost covers can be a race against the weather, but thanks to Kress battery-powered blowers, the club's…
Thursday
Fusion Media posted a blog post
The GroundsFest Academy has confirmed TLS as its newest Platinum Sponsor, adding further industry strength to the Academy's range of sponsors and partners as it continues to expand its training offering for the groundscare sector. The sponsorship…
Thursday
Peter sellers replied to William Baker's discussion Winter Services
"Hi William, I would avoid working as a sub contractor if you can. Yes they will not pay a realistic rate as they will try to keep their profit as high as poss, in my experience getting paid was always an issue. We had a long and profitable…"
Wednesday
Billybop replied to William Baker's discussion Winter Services
"Thanks William, yes a bit like being a retained fire fighter I suppose. Monthly payments for a 12 month contract, knowing that worst case scenario only 6 months or so might require visits. Which could be very few and far between, or more numerous…"
Wednesday
William Baker replied to William Baker's discussion Winter Services
"Hi Richard, thank you for your reply. I've not approached either of these companies as yet, would you suggest Outco and Nurture are good companies to contact, and do you have any experience with either?"
Tuesday
William Baker replied to William Baker's discussion Winter Services
"Hi Peter, thank you very much for such a detailed response, and I'm sorry to hear of your ill health, I do hope you are well. Both of my existing clients that I'm looking to bring on board should be manageable, so they can hopefully help me to dip…"
Tuesday
William Baker replied to William Baker's discussion Winter Services
"Hi Billy, that's a really good idea, even if the contracts are a mix of 'subsciption' and ad-hoc, it at least covers the expense in a worst case scenario. "
Tuesday
Billybop replied to Rob's discussion Best professional battery hedge trimmer at present?
"Hi Tim i wear basic disposable ear plugs with either model if using for any extended period... not so much the volume per se, but it takes the edge off that irritating metallic sound... I think these are being sold for below cost, but heart warming…"
Tuesday
Tim Wallach replied to Rob's discussion Best professional battery hedge trimmer at present?
"My 130T arrived and was tested today.   It certainly runs fast...the high motor noise is slightly irritating compared to the rumble of the 130R though.  I've got used to working without ear defenders.    Planet tool owe you a finders fee."
Tuesday
Matt updated their profile
Nov 1
Matt posted a discussion
Morning all,I’m Matt from That Pond Guy, a specialist pond maintenance company based in Burham, Kent. I’ve just joined LJN and thought I’d introduce myself.We cover Kent, London and the wider South East, looking after everything from garden wildlife…
Nov 1
Matt is now a member of Landscape Juice Network
Nov 1
More…