Pests and Diseases of the Common Gardener 1 - PMS

There are times,...usually quiet times...., when Fereday can be caught staring blankly out into the garden while absently fiddling with the newspaper.... innocuous a picture as this may present, to the keen observer or gardener's wife, Fereday is manifesting a major early symptom of PMS, a common gardener's affliction.PMS is becoming increasingly virulent among the gardening classes. With housing demands impinging on open space, and the modern habit of living in accommodation which has no land (i.e., flats) or which has only a "postage stamp" of green, PMS has taken root and is spreading like couch grass."A gardener without a shed is like a fish without a bicycle," murmurs Fereday, deep in the throws of this daydream stage of PMS, or "Planning My Shed".So far, Fereday's "hypothetical shed" is:- Large, but not too large. There is, in theory, room for two - as long as one of the two has to perch on an upturned bucket, and doesn't stay too long. Shed-dwellers are mostly solitary creatures.- Has one very comfy chair.- Has a cheery little pot-bellied stove for warmth.- Has big windows on the one side to let the sun in. Windows on both sides would take it into the greenhouse zone and Fereday would feel far too exposed. Shed-dwellers need the comfort of some darkness to avoid coming face-to-legs with that which lives in the cobwebby corners.- Is "decorated" with peg boarding (Fereday has acknowledged that peg boarding is only ever likely to be used for decoration, the discipline of hanging up all the tools would soon get tiresome).- Has hot and cold running water.- Is plumbed for electricity - Fereday argues that it would be inefficient not to plumb it for electricity as doing so extends the time you can spend in the shed. I tell him he better put a "bl**dy bunk" in there for himself if he's planning on spending that much time out there, but he's already back to the John Lewis catalogue browsing for the perfect shed kettle, complementary mugs and a DAB radio.- Has a little "garage" on the side for storing the mower.- Has security lighting and cctv.- Has a stone floor.I begin to worry that Fereday is going to move (or at least replicate) the kitchen to "the bottom of the garden"... in the case of our garden, this will be a total of 15 feet, next to the bin store and in the hedge. In order for him to realise this dream, I'm going to have to buy a house with a bigger garden... or just a plot of land somewhere nearby.I'm dreading the next stages of PMS... the shed "mood board" replete with cuttings from magazines and newspapers which will evoke Fereday's vision of "shedness" and the eventual architect's 3D representation of the shed.He'll plough on, though. Even when Fereday finally gets his shed - and in reality it will be a cold little wooden box full of spiders and dirt-caked tools with no electricity or running water because we won't get a mortgage to pay for the dream version - he'll be out there, happy as you like, with his battery operated radio, flask of coffee, upturned bucket. and a big smile. Of course, he will occassionally run screaming from the shed when one of its an eight-legged inhabitants emerges from a corner and lands on his shoulder.
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Comments

  • I too am suffering from PMS!

    Although there is a dirty big shed in the garden, it's roofing felt is spent, needs replacing and the ivy from next door is taking over the interior (along with the damp). My dream is a HOME OFFICE. Like Fereday, I would want leccy, water and in an ideal world, a wc. He's ahead of me, never thought about a pot bellied stove, have now. Roasting chestnuts at Christmas.........

    Having been a creature of the 'small sitting room' for the past ten years with it's north facing window, shelves crammed with plant/design books which I no longer read or refer to I need a change.

    Have extensively researched sheds suitable for my purpose, to be honest they are not that expensive. Lugarde are fantastic, check out - taylorsgardenbuildings.co.uk. The BillyOh range also look interesting, although no show buildings to see, go to - gardenbuildingsdirect.co.uk

    Although I would buy a building to work from, can't help thinking that it would become the 'party central' of our world! No spiders invited.
  • Kerrie - start a discussion group on sheds, go on.... we're all a bit nosy and want a peak inside other people's sheds!!!
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