Not sure what I should do now

I am not sure what I should do next. Sorry for the ramble.

Had to abruptly stop my business as my husband got very ill and he died 2 weeks ago. The NHS dropped him right in it due to their ineptitude and I may take them to court.  Whilst on holiday in Germany in August he was in such pain and the pain meds he got here did not work anymore I took him to A&E there and within hours they told us he is very ill and a day later had the devastating news of stage 4 lung cancer which has spread all around his body. How can this happen if he has been going to the doctors every few weeks complaining of the pains and breathing problems he has? We are very sad and upset. 

I ordered this really nice Urn for his ashes on Amazon. I have not received (I waited all day at home) it and Amazon stated because the App says it has been delivered and handed to me personally it has been delivered. Well the driver/delivery person made a mistake or is a thief. I went on there and ordered the same one again. When customer services called me I complained I told them on the phone I need it by Monday morning latest as that's when the cremation is happening. I cant believe I have to fight to get a flipping urn. I just got an email from them and because the tracker said it got delivered to me it must be so and no refund. Well they want a war they will get one.

Obviously most of my customers now have new gardeners and would only take me back if the new gardeners are not performing well. I have 2 customers who are coming back to me. This means starting from scratch which is OK. I am thinking of changing my business model anyway. So will change my website. But I am not sure if I even want to start up gardening again. Maybe wait up the crappy weather until March. Maybe just go really small scale but very upmarket.

I also had to stop my landscaping and garden design course which I was to finish next summer. Thankfully the online academy has given me an extension until 2020. That is so cool and gratefully taken.

Will be getting a dog as well. I applied for a particular pooch from a rescue online. Hopefully I can get her and she will be accompanying me on my jobs.

One thing I have noticed is that the hospital gardens all over London where we were are pretty boring and uninspiring or literally non-existant. Maybe join a charity or group that does gardening for free at hospitals or hospices. It was pretty depressing to see the green spaces look so sad.

Anyway don't want to depress you.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous 2018!


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  • PRO
    I'm very sorry to hear the news Daniela.
  • PRO
    What an awful time you have had Daniela.
    If you can afford to, I would go visit friends for a few months....let things heal.

    I hope 2018 is a better year for you
  • PRO
    That’s bad news Daniela.
    Try and get through the next few days first before arguing with Amazon (or anyone else for that matter! It’s not worth getting too worked up about it however hard that seems, put your energy elsewhere)
    If you can afford it (if it were me) I would stop until after Christmas and new year then ease back in slowly, or if I could afford it I would be on a plane somewhere.
    You can start again fresh when you are ready, minus any mistakes you made first time round!
    All the best Richard
  • That's very sad Daniela. Please don't get bogged down with fights with Amazon, worries about work etc, your undertaker will provide an urn. Surround yourself with family and friends, get through the next few weeks one step at a time.

    I have worked at our local hospital and I know exactly what you mean.  The whole site is a 'hedge-trimmed' mess, but we created 4 areas where people could go for tranquility.  BUT, it needs cash/sponsorship, which is how they were funded.

    • PRO

      So sorry to hear this Daniela you must be traumatised by what has just happened and indeed at a crossroads . 

      I feel it would be a logical progression to continue with your garden business , right now its what you do and you are also equipped and you have your garden design course to look forward to .  Perhaps easier at this time than to focus on a new career . 

      Gardening is very therapeutic it can help you work things out and gardens can be healing spaces .   I know hospices often lack funding and welcome volunteers .  Also don't overlook the fact that some hospices  offer bereavement counselling . 

      After some very tragic circumstances a couple of years ago we created an Autumn/ Winter walk very simply but effective comprising of nandina's , cotinus , dogwood , ,cornus and liquid amber and the pleasure this now brings is priceless . 

      Take your time Daniela , great to hear about the dog, ours brings us so much joy and i am sure your's will too . 

      All the best for 2018 .

  • PRO

    So sorry for your very sad loss Daniela. Sending you best wishes. 

  • PRO

    I'm really sorry to hear your news Daniela

    Have you got someone to talk to who can help you get through this?

  • .. what a disloyal bunch of customers that can permanently abandon you in such sad circumstances............ you'd think they might have a bit of compassion and take you back in the Spring.

  • PRO

    Condolences Daniella. For what its worth, my opinion is don't drag yourself into arguments you probably don't need right now. It's counter productive.  Also, take advantage of the slow season to have a rest but I would get back to the gardening. It's what you know and you know you can earn a crust with it. Too much change is not always good. Maybe the hospital/hospice work would be therapeutic too.

    Whatever you decide, be good to yourself and best wishes with it.

  • Thank you all for your kind replies.

    Its all quite sore still. Amazon came through and refunded for the lost urn. 

    I have been approved for a rescue dog and will pick her up before New Years. Really looking forward to having a pet.

    Going traveling would be an option but I am not interested as done that in the past and it means I would be by myself which is even worse than it is now. However I may go on small trips with the dog and may take my mom and her dog with me.

    Four of my customers have now come back to me. I think come March/April my phone will run hot again with people looking for a gardener. So all will be well.

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